Reply from Mr John, Child's Age xx - 11/18/02 - IP#: 63.208.63.142Layla: I should add this first part here as a reply on the website. I had suggested the chilren's beds for nappying because the bed is a place of comfort, warmth, and security. Having said that, I feel the bed should not ever be used for punishment for any reason. The bedroom OK for calming down, but not specifically the bed. Oh, you can use a sofa or some other temporary means. Now, it appears that Tom, and also Marie, have revealed the thing that is bothering your 11yo in that she is demonstrating sibling rivalry, that is jealosy. Your session with your 11yo was important towards uncovering her motivation and inclinations, and I know you are aware of that. This may be to get more attention from you, which you can accomodate, or to bring her delicate feelings into parity with her sibling. As Tom suggested a few days back, you should find time with her alone to make her feel important and to talk just with you....One last thing here. Avoid..repeat avoid..lengthy explanations to both girls as to what you are doing, with the exception that you be careful to not "burn your bridges" with the 11yo. That is to say, do not speculate that something is or is not going to happen until it truly is. With 7yo, you may find something yourself to say, but you could tell her sis needs some extra help right now and you want her to help too by helping mummy. With 11yo, just go forward doing things matter-of-factfully and giving her that little extra portion of love. If already beyond having explained, just continue on without expanding upon why's and wherefore's. Best wishes, will talk a little later on..Mr John |