Reply from Randy, Child's Age n - 8/3/02 - IP#: 66.81.28.21

Wrong direction. Major damage being done here. Since she is night trained late, she remembers well the special attention she got when she was wet. She is thoroughly enjoying the return to the past. There are not many connections between mother and baby more intense than diaper changing. It entails a lot of attention and gentle touching. You have inadvertently returned her to this stage. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to get out of as it is to get into. It is easy for her to convince and train herself that she cannot control her urine. If you take her back out of diapers suddenly and without a transition period, she will likely crave the attention she has been getting, and see the end of diapers as the end of the special attention. This often leads to a fetish which can last indefinitely. Your child appears to need more love and attention than the average child. All are different, and some need more than others. I recommend that you return to the potty training stage. Sit with her and talk about it openly. Tell her “Mommy made a mistake when she put you back into diapers. But you are a big girl now and it’s time to dress like one.” It is good to admit to the child when we have made a mistake. Rather than making us look weak, they see us as honest and open, trustworthy. Get a bunch of little prizes that she would enjoy, wrap them in gift paper and use them as treats for her successes. Taper off the use of these with time and consistent success. Offer pretty, frilly panties for when she can keep them dry like other big girls. Don’t be hard on her for her failures, but encourage success. If she wets her bed, don’t use diapers for that either. She will come around on that too, but night diapers will hold her back. Make a goal, such as her next birthday, for having achieved total success. You could plan a sleepover for a few friends on her birthday as a final prize. (There is a book titled something like “Potty Training Your Child in One Day”. It has been reported to have good success, especially with older children. You might want to look it up. But I don’t think I would want to wait any longer while looking for it.) Meanwhile, you must find a better emotional connection, something you and she can experience together so she won’t feel a loss as the attention of diaper changing goes away. It needs to be a happy time with close affection between you, and it needs to carry on for a significant length of time after the diapers are gone, so she won’t feel the need to go back. Make it a one-on-one experience. Get clay or playdoh and play together. Get out some colored paper, scissors and glue and make little crafts together. Don’t sit her down to do it and leave. She needs your touch more than she needs the craft. Join a school book club and purchase little books often. Or go to the library and check out books she would enjoy. Read together every day. If you have any religious leaning, pray with her at least twice a day. It will help her to vocalize her needs and raise up to the level she she attain.