From Steven, Age 16, 3/13/02

Hello Everyone, I have been watching the posts here lately with a great deal of interest. I would like to provide my comments and suggestions in the hope that it might help. You see, I am now 16 years old, and have been a bedwetter all my life. I have done considerable research on this subject and have spent many months talking with other children on this site's 11-20 chat room. It might help to see things regarding this problem from the perspective of a "kids" point of view. Both my parents wet into their early teens and my younger sister dryed up when she was 10 years old. I consider myself rather mature for my age, do very well in school, am fairly popular amoung my peers, and socialize with my parent's adult friends on a regular basis. I plan to attend a well known university shortly. There are major areas of concern on the part of kids; friends or other people finding out about the problem, the embarrassment of being changed by another (even family members), and being treated like or feeling like a baby. In my opinion, the use of diapers is the best way to approach the bedwetting problem not only for the parents but also the child. There are, however, two areas of caution that need to be addressed. First, the diaper should be used only as a tool to cope with the problem. That means that the diaper should be put on as the last thing before bed and removed as soon as the child gets up in the morning. Allowing a child to lounge around in a diaper before bed and after breakfast or around the house on weekend mornings can lead to a lazyness on the part of the child where it becomes more convient for the child to just use the diaper. This is actually a form of regression on the part of the child and can prolong the wetting period. Also, the diaper can become a sort of "security blanket" for the child, providing the child with a feeling of mental comfort. I have talked with many kids that admit that they wet the diaper on purpose while awake because they have become to lazy to bother to use the toilet and a good percentage also find that the diaper has become a special comfort to them. Believe me, they won't tell you about this and will only admit to it to another child with the same problem after they get to know one another very well. Next, the subject of taking responsibility on the part of the child for the wetting problem. It is, after all, their problem. I believe that the child should shoulder as much of the responsibility as soon as possible. You will find that the more responsilility you give to the child; the less fussing you will have with the diaper issue. This means that he or she should change the sheets and do the laundry (not meant as punishment). The child should be taught how to use the washer and dryer. This provides the child with motivation to become dry, and as they grow older, provides the child with a sense of control and privacy. The child should learn to change themselves as soon as possible. This is a big issue with kids as they get older prior to puberty. It gives them a feeling of self control, privacy, and aids in reducing the feeling of being treated like a "baby". All of this helps to reinforce the feeling of self worth and counteracts the negative feelings associated with wetting. I started to get embarrassed about having my diaper changed at age 10. Most kids won't tell you that you are beginning to embarrass them because you are the authority figure and their parents. There is also the issue of the babysitter knowing and changing as well. It took a while for me to learn under the supervision of my parents but I felt much better about it and myself. At that time, I used cloth diapers at home (I find them best at reducing leaks) and youth disp. when away from home. Just before I turned 13, I caught my hand in a lawnmower. After 2 operations there was very little feeling in the fingers which resulted in a changing problem regarding the pins and tapes. My parents immediately corrected the problem by getting me cloth pull up type diapers and cloth diapers with velcro fasteners. Mom also put velcro on the diapers that I already had. The disp. tape tabs were another problem but my privacy was respected. I would get the disp. diaper in place and then call a member of the family into the room to fasten the tapes. Today, with the variety of products, there is no reason that a child of ten cannot change themselves. I would suggest that you use cloth at home but do not use cloth when away. A good disp. diaper is Goodnites which are a pull up type. They dont leak as much as you might have been lead to believe. Goodnites are also a big help when it come to the all important over nights with other kids and relatives because it it easy to conceal. There are disp. doublers on the market as well which can be used with any disp. diaper. Besides convience, the advantage of a disp. over cloth when away from home is that it is much less bulky and therefore easy to keep secret--a big advantage from the kids standpoint! I use a diaper when on long trips in the car or plane (whenever there is a chance that I might fall asleep). Be careful not to use them to much for outings since an unwanted dependency can develop. Changing a child beyond the age of 10, tends to reinforce the potential for "baby regression" rather than reinforcing the more mature idea that this problem is "normal" with many kids and should be looked upon as a temporary medical condition. Avoid using "babyish" terms with your kids. We use the term "night gear" at my home and for male kids, its plastic pants; not panties. That reminds me-- get rid of plastic pants with cartoons and such on them and use clear or solid colors. Allow your kids to use the 11-20 chat room associated with this site. It lets them know they are not alone and we can help answer concerns they might have and offer tips on how to cope with all sorts of issues. Although the webmasters watch out for the kids, an occasional nut case gets in, but not for long. For the younger ones, you might want to monitor their usage. I hope this has been a help for all of you. If I can be of any further assistance to you just ask because I will continue to read the parents board.