Reply from Tom, Child's Age none - 3/14/02 - IP#: 159.39.16.14There seem to be two viewpoints here: the wake-up training view, which may or may not involve wetting alarms, and the “just leave them in diapers until they outgrow it” view. If I appear to be anti-alarm or pro-diaper, it’s only because of my experience that alarms didn’t work for me, and still don’t. The main purpose of a board like this is to make suggestions and discuss ideas; there is no single solution will work for every child. It’s good to have choices and parents need to try several things and find out what works best for their child. Alarms can work for some, and maybe even most, bedwetting children; and the comment about getting results within 6–12 weeks of consistent use is good. If the alarm is going to work I think you should see some significant improvement in that time, but if you don’t the alarm should be discontinued. The discussion on how alarms do their job ends with the statement “This is a difficult process and may take weeks, months, or years depending on the readiness of the child.” The key here is the readiness of the child. It was only a few generations ago that children were expected to be potty trained by the time they were 18 months old, and you were not considered a good parent if your children were still in diapers beyond that age. We now know that most children are not physically or emotionally ready to handle the responsibility of getting to the bathroom in time until somewhere between two and three years old (my younger daughter was still in diapers on her third birthday). I think that parents that take extraordinary measures to get a young child to stop bedwetting may actually be pushing their child into something the child is simply not ready for, physically and/or emotionally. A “difficult process” that takes “weeks, months, or years” to get through will certainly be hard on the child; and many children will simply outgrow bedwetting in a few years anyway, so why make them go through that. Rewards for dry nights, getting up in time, etc. may improve the self-esteem of those children that are having some success with staying dry but might have the opposite effect on those that don’t. A calendar on the wall with no stars on it because there hasn’t been a dry night all month isn’t going to improve the child’s self esteem. It may instead cause frustration, stress, and feelings of failure. Getting a sleeping child up and expecting him to urinate while still groggy may reinforce the idea that he should urinate while he is not really awake. I can’t think of a greater motivation to stop bedwetting than the possibility of a romantic relationship that might eventually involve sexual intimacy, but if you read the teenage and adult sections of this board you will see a number messages from those seeking advice in that area. Being highly motivated doesn’t always solve the problem. I guess my whole point is this: try anything you think might work, and give it a reasonable amount of time to see if there is any progress; but if there is no progress or if it causes the child any problems it should be discontinued. Success would be wonderful, but the emotional well being of the child is more important than a dry bed. There is no point in making a child miserable while spending a year or more trying something that isn’t working. Diapers should always be available for those who need them and nature will eventually resolve the problem anyway. |