Reply from Jeffrey, Child's Age 13 and 15 - 12/17/01 - IP#: 131.96.240.8

Jim, It is possible for a bedwetting older child to learn to appreciate that there are benefits to wearing diapers. Not having to wake up every morning in cold, wet, smelly sheets is certainly the most obvious advantage. Also, if you had previously been making him help with changing sheets every day, then it shouldn't be hard for him to observe another benefit. And as he gets a little older, personal hygiene will become more important to him, and he'll realize that lying in wet sheets and pajamas is something he wants to avoid. Since your son's only frame of reference is his three-year-old brother, it is quite understandable that he associates being put back in diapers and plastic pants with being treated by you as if he were a toddler too. I would stress to him that there are many older children and adults who wear diapers, and who recognize their value in enabling them to sleep better and more comfortably. In fact, I would suggest that you try to explain to your son that the best way for him to look at it is that the babyish thing would be NOT to wear a diaper. By not protecting himself and his bed while he sleeps, a child is effectively sending the message that he considers himself helpless to do anything about his bedwetting. But by wearing diapers and plastic pants, he is demonstrating the maturity to take charge of managing his disability. The diaper simply becomes a tool to make something possible (a dry bed) that he cannot yet do on his own without assistance. If he can learn to think of it that way, his diapers will no longer have to seem babyish. He cannot control his enuresis (which is a sleep disorder and has nothing to do with emotional maturity), but he does have control over whether his bed gets wet. He can decide right now, on his own, that he is never going to have a wet bed again, and you can point out to him that even though he still cannot help wetting in his sleep, he won't be a "bedwetter" any more -- because his bed won't get wet! And by wearing his diaper every night, he has the power to make that a reality. I believe that if a child can learn to have this perspective, then he can quickly move beyond the level where he feels that his diapers are being forced on him by his parents. I, for one, do not believe that an older child who wets in his sleep should be forced to wear diapers against his will. But I also believe that he is far better off wearing them. (I know from experience; I have been a bedwetter all my life, but my parents discontinued my diapers when I was six. I didn't go back to wearing them until I was grown, and when I did, it made nights so much better for me that I wished I had never stopped. By the way, my sons are also both wet in their sleep.) The trick is to convince your son of the value of wearing his diapers at night, and then it will be his decision to wear them, not yours. It will then become possible for him to feel emotionally comfortable in them, and the day will soon come when he wouldn't even think of going to bed without them. At that point, his attitude will also set a good example for his little brother. I wish you well, and hope everything goes smoothly.